BlogZarro has just posted 101 of the greatest Simpsons quotes. Check them all out at: http://blogzarro.com/?p=223
Some of my favorites are below:
5. Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
7. Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
10. Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
11. Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
12. Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
14. Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
15. Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”
17. Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
18. Homer: Save me, Jeebus.
19. Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.
22. Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
23. Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
24. Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
27. Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
29. Homer: You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
32. Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
33. Homer: Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
34. Homer: When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
35. Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
39. Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
42. Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
43. Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
46. Kent Brockman: …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
48. Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
57. Superintendent Chalmers: I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…
71. Principal Skinner: That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
74. Superintendent Chalmers: “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.
75. Mr. Burns: [answering the phone] Ahoy hoy?
78. Homer: What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
80. Bill Gates: I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
82. Homer: Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.
88. Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country.
89. Homer: Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.
95. Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
96. Apu: Thank you, steal again.
97. Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
98. Ed Begley Jr.: I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
100. Homer: How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
101. Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
Oh, and apparently I have found some kind of temporary sanity.
