broononline

Protect what’s important to you

broon — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 03:50:12 +0000

The drunken mind tends to have a strong desire to protect any remaining alcohol at all costs, as anyone who has woken up hungover and found half a beer safely stored in the fridge will know.

A woman in America was recently pulled over for running a red light and swerving back and forth over the middle of a highway. Sure enough the woman was drunk, but as she explained to the police, she ‘never had a license. And was running out of gas’. Even if that explained the erratic driving, it probably didn’t explain why the woman smelt like booze or had two pipes in her purse.

She was also charged for child endangerment, as she had a baby girl not wearing a seatbelt on a rear seat. Please don’t judge this woman as a neglectful mother – she remembered to put a seatbelt on the carton of beer she had in the front seat.

Original news article at First Coast News

Taking ‘ride it’ way too literally

broon — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 03:51:57 +0000

Some people love bikes, as cleaners at a hostel recently found when they entered the room of Robert Stewart and found him having sex with his bike. I’m not even sure how that’s possible, but the police were notified and Robert ended with three years probation and earned a place on the sex offenders list. Not that I’m in to that sort of thing, but I think that sounds a little harsh. After all, if you’re in a room having sex with your bike then you’re not out on the street stalking people.

Click here to read the rest of the story, including a quote from a human rights expert who says that “this case should not prevent people who want to engage in this sort of activity doing so”. Just in case you were wondering.

The Moleman Prophecies

broon — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 00:22:46 +0000

Bruce Tracy is a strange little man. Not only does he have a girls name as
a surname, he was recently found living in a 18sqm underground home with
several rooms. Police in Fresno, Orlando found the hidden entrance and were
surprised to find the home complete with bed, kitchen and escape hatch.

Bruce claims the home took about 2 months to build using only a shovel
and a few other simple tools.

Sadly, as is always the case when people in authority find someone doing
something fun, Bruce has been asked to move and his home will be
demolished as it is claimed to be dangerous.

Read the full story over at Orlando’s Local 6

The Fuel Crisis

broon — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 13:51:06 +0000

I’ve finally solved it.

We’re using too much petrol because we’re driving everywhere. The solution is to replace all of the main roads with giant conveyor belts. You drive on to them, turn your car off and let them take you to your destination. If you need to get off, you just turn your car on and drive off.

As an added bonus the streets which aren’t conveyor belts will be made so that they are all downhill. You simply coast down them without having to start your car.

Some people may point out that the giant conveyor belts will need power. Not to worry, we get everyone who is overweight and sit them on exercise bikes which are connected to the belts. As they pedal the belts turn round. Eventually the overweight people lose weight, so I’ve also just solved the obesity epidemic.

Is that a condom in your hair or are you just happy to see me?

broon — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 02:44:49 +0000

I never really spare a thought for where condoms end up after I’ve used them and then thrown them at the wall. Perhaps we should start recycling them. Personally I’d be happy to wash and reuse them, but the Chinese have a
different solution - recycle them into hair bands.

They’re cheap and colourful and are selling well. The only problem is that they could still contain AIDS, warts or other diseases.

From this day on I am going to stop chewing on hair bands.

more info here